Tennessee Titans preview from Deadspin
I’m not a Titans fan at all, but this team preview is hilarious. Read it.
Here’s the Titans’ running back preview:
LenDale White: Here are words you are willing to see associated with your running back: felon, fast, tough, illiterate, suspended for violating the league’s drug policy, domestic abuser, efficient whizzinator operator.
Here is the one word you don’t want associated with your running back in any circumstance: fat.
Unfortunately LenDale White is fat. He sleeps with Kit Kats under his pillow and stores Hershey’s Kisses (with almonds!) under his man boobs.
Chris Henry: In his entire collegiate career with the Pac-10’s Arizona Wildcats Chris Henry ran for less than a thousand yards. Yep, in his four-year career. The Titans were so impressed by this performance that they took him with a second-round pick. Now they are seriously talking about making him the gunner on special teams coverage. Fellow Pac-10 tailback LenDale White reacted to this selection by saying he had never heard of Chris Henry. Then White said he would offer to split a king-size Reese’s Pieces with Henry, but only if Henry rubbed his balls in pure honey and let LenDale lick them. It’s all about the team. And after all, there’s no I in teabag either.
Chris Brown: The Titans deactivated Chris Brown for 11 games last year because he has the physical toughness of a Kappa Kappa Gamma’s hymen. Which is to say none. Despite choosing to deactivate a healthy Brown for almost 3/4ths of the season last year, the Titans resigned him for three-times the money they were paying him not to make the active roster once the off season arrived. Clever rascals. See, lots of teams have been making the mistake of actually paying players for, you know, actually playing. But then they get tired and bruised. This way Chris Brown only gets tired and bruised when female sponges are sold out at Walgreen’s.
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