Caught up on the MTV Awards, which were a slight improvement over the past few.  Russell Brand is hilarious and cracked out.  A few tidbits:

Tokio Hotel’s guy-ish lead singer frightens me more than anyone from Slipnot:

This song by T.I. and Rihanna, Live Your Life, will be a hit.  Yes, that’s a Numa Numa sample in the beginning.

Get some extra VMA commentary action from Lauren Gibbs, of Gibbsbits.com fame, after the jump.

Pre-show commentary:

-Taylor Swift, who is 16, is critiquing fashion.  Given that she messed up on her own designer’s name, she’s wearing Werther’s Original wrappers, and she suffers from Renee Zellweger’s eye disease, I’m ignoring her.
-Sway is in a helicopter for no reason.  Maybe the producers wanted to see if they could find a way to make his interviews more awkward then they are when he’s on the ground.
-Who is Tokyo Hotel? I think they’re German. And they have blond dreads.  I’m confused.
-When is the Heidi/Spencer show going to run out of steam?  I’ve never had the urge to kick another person, but I really want to kick them.
-Ooh! LL Cool J is there.  And so is John Norris. Suddenly I’m feeling more relevant.
-Oh dear. The Parents Council of America (or whomever monitors this kind of thing) is going to be in a tizzy over Katy “I Kissed A Girl” Perry showing up with Miley “I posed in a sheet for no reason” Cyrus.
-Speaking of trying to remain relevant, T-Pain showed up on an elephant, trailing a blue bear.  How is it possible these people are serious? “Yesssir”.
-Who’s the guy in the crowd of Hills-castoffs who hasn’t stopped to breathe?
-Pink is trying really hard to not break Taylor Swift in half with her mohawk.
-Hey, I wonder if Britney Spears is making an appearance tonight.  Holy hype.
-Sidebar: Speaking of hype, who wrote the Seinfeld/Gates commercial?  They’re horribly underwhelming.
-I’m really surprised Michael Phelps is there.  He’s really been laying low lately.  Talk about riding that Olympic Wave.
-Sticking with my relevance theme, remember when Lindsay & Christina were?

The Show:

-This isn’t funny.  At least Brit looks good.  Oops, spoke too soon.  She looked okay until she started blending into the mirrors and holding the microphone directly in front of her face.  It looks like two eyes and a black microphone floating in the air.
-Rihanna’s body is bangin’, but those boots aren’t translating.  And the zombies crawling around stage are just, well, what are they actually?
-Russell Brand. Odd choice.  Is MTV trying to become more relevant in Europe (where I hear he’s popular) or did the Wayans Bros say no?  His pants would make any American Apparel sales assistant proud.
-Someone needs to tell Jamie Fox that he’s about as street as I am.
-Britney wants to thank God ‘first and foremost’.  Really? She needs to thank the folks in the make-up trailer, the inventor of hair extensions & the forgiving public.
-Pete Wentz is trying to pull off the high-waist look and he just shouldn’t.  Is he 4 feet tall?
-Demi Moore?  Is she there because we’re commemorating 25 years of MTV moments & she was there for the first show?
-We’re 30 minutes in and I’m fairly certain Russell Brand will not be asked to host any award shows again. Ever.
-Why are the Jonas Brothers singing on the Cosby’s front stoop?
-What the hell is Lil’ Wayne saying?  You can’t tell me anyone understands.  How are his pants even on?
-I’m sure God was waiting around for the Pussycat Dolls “God is awesome” shout out.
-I don’t understand who Paramore is.  It’s like Garbage + No Doubt + Joan Jett. And not in a good way.
-Has Slash changed his closed in 20 years?
-Why do they keep saying that ‘nothing is as it seems’?  It’s all exactly as it seems.  Boring. uneventful and predictable.
-You tell ‘em Jordan.  Chastity belts for everyone!
-Love that new T.I./Rihanna song.  Good stuff.  She is the go-to for softening hardened rap-stars with gun charges pending-reputations.
-Is Christina pulling a Britney by actually lip synching? Very disappointing.  C- on the ‘Genie in a Bottle’ remix.  The kids from High School Musical introducing her only made her bad girl leather ’super bitch’ performance more ridiculous and desperate.
-Wow, I am out of touch. Moreso then I even realized.  Tokyo Hotel garnered enough votes to win best new artist. Sidebar: Is the lead singer a man or a woman?
-Yah think they rigged it so Brit would win twice?
-Is anyone else treating the voiceover’s constant timecheck as a countdown to the end?
-Christina’s perfume takes the cake as one of the worst. Ever.
-No one in the audience seems as excited about the Kidrock and Lil’ Wayne collaboration as Kidrock and Lil’ Wayne are.
-I could stay up to watch Kanye’s new song, but I won’t.  I’ve already wasted more hours then anyone should on MTV programming.

For the record: I’ll keep watching these shows until one actually lives up to the hype OR Taylor Swift releases a greatest hits album. Whichever comes first.