While there’s no doubt that some athletes are truly smart individuals, there will always be plenty of knuckleheads who tarnish the overall image.  They’re above the rules, the law, and their contracts.  Yeah, that thing they signed (without reading) for a few easy million, not realizing it applies to them.  The one time it’s clear that their contract matters is when they get injured off the field, away from the team.  That’s when the athlete/agent/entourage go into Disaster Recovery Mode.

Here are some of the best alibis that have come out of Disaster Recovery Mode, along with my guess for what really happened:

Alibi:  I broke my fingers using a snow blower (Joe Sakic)
Reality:  I shut my hand in the car door after leaving the bar


Alibi:  I cut myself with a knife while eating an apple in bed ( Derek Rose)
Reality:  I got into a fight with Ray Lewis outside the club


Alibi:  I threw out my shoulder while turning off the alarm clock (Rich Harden)
Reality:  I threw out my shoulder while unsuccessfully attempting a quick transition from the leapfrog to reverse cowgirl with a Spring Training groupie


Alibi:  I was dreaming about spiders and fell through a glass table (Glenallen Hill)
Reality:  I swear I thought those hallucinogens were just diet pills


Alibi:  I needed protection in the club so brought my gun and accidentally shot myself (Plaxico Burress)
Reality:  I’m a moron


Alibi:  I fell off my truck while washing it (Jeff Kent)
Reality:  I fell off my motorcycle but telling you that would violate my contract


Alibi:  I’m honest, I’m screwed (Aaron Boone)
Reality:  I tore up my knee in the offseason playing basketball and should have lied


Alibi:  I feel asleep in the tanning bed and burnt my face (Marty Cordova)
Reality:  I’m gay


Alibi:  Somebody bunjee jumped off my right nut (Ken Griffey Jr.)
Reality:  I don’t want anyone to know I picked up horseback riding


Alibi:  I injured my right wrist while playing Guitar Hero (Joel Zumaya)
Reality:  I’ve been real lonely as of late and just got internet at home


If you liked this, check out Cuzoogle’s post on the Dumbest Injuries In Sports.


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