After seeing a preview for Nicolas Cage’s latest movie Knowing, I thought to myself, “damn he makes a lot of crappy movies.” What happened to the Nicolas Cage that delivered the blockbusters Face Off, The Rock, and Con Air? Even Leaving Las Vegas and It Could Happen To You were enjoyable flicks. Apparently 1994-1997 was his sweet spot, because since then he hasn’t done much except headline movies that immediately connect with the “renter” part of your brain’s movie trailer analysis system (MTAS).
So what are those movies that you likely saw a preview for but forgot shortly thereafter? 8 of the duds are listed below. Before you Nicolas Cage fans start spitting venom at me, I will say that I enjoyed Adaptation and Lord Of War. That’s about it.
#8 - Windtalkers
A WWII flick that stars Cage as a Marine sergeant tasked with protecting a Navajo code talker. My favorite critical slam:
A powerful premise turned into a stubbornly flat, derivative war movie. - Robert Koehler (Variety)
This movie wasn’t terrible, but it was a letdown for a war movie. I think the only reason most people liked it was because of the fascinating story of how the U.S. used the Navajo’s langauge as an indecipherable code.
#7 - Next
Cage plays a guy who can see two minutes into the future and needs to use his power to save the world!
It’s debatable whether Cage’s supernatural ability is any more interesting than his strange coiffure. - Nick Schaeger
Props to Cage for flexing some industry veteran muscle and casting Jessica Biel as his love interest. Well done.
#6 - Sonny
Cage’s directorial debut stars James Franco as a young man who returns home to New Orleans after a brief stint in the army. Turns out that home is a whore house, as his mom runs a brothel.
Nicolas Cage isn’t the first actor to lead a group of talented friends astray, and this movie won’t create a ruffle in what is already an erratic career. - E! Online
You haven’t seen this movie and should keep it that way. Aren’t there rules against first time directors having their name above the title on posters?
#5 - 8mm
Cage plays a PI that’s hired to investigate an apparent porno film that was discovered in a deceased billionaire’s safe. Along the way, he crosses paths with Joaquin Phoenix’s porn-expert character Max California.
Want to know what happens when an A-list director and A-list movie star attach themselves to a direct-to-cable screenplay? This. - Jeff Millar (Houston Chronicle)
The only thing entertaining about this film were Cage and Phoenix’s interactions.
#4 - Ghost Rider
Ghost Rider is the vehicle for Cage to finally be a superhero, as he plays Johnny Blaze AKA Ghost Rider. Even though it’s based off a Marvel Comics character, the plot is pretty weak. Here’s the run-on version: He’s a motorcycle stunt rider who makes a deal with the devil to save his dad but also wants to win back the love of his life even though he turns into a flaming skeleton when around bad guys. And stuff.
An abysmal excuse of a film featuring Nicolas Cage’s worst performance yet and only marginally improving on the Spawn formula. - Wesley Lovell (Oscar Guy)
There are definitely worse comic book adaptations, but this is in the bottom three.
#3 - Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
The poster’s awkwardness says/shows enough for me.
Nicolas Cage and Penélope Cruz are ill-matched, and the range of heavy accents is distracting. - Channel 4 Film
#2 - The Wicker Man
The Wicker Man is a remake of the 1973 British cult classic by the same name. It follows Cage’s police officer character to a small island where he searches for his missing daughter in a town of creepy weirdos.
Cage over the years has more than earned a reputation as an actor who is not afraid to embarrass himself, but in the cause of The Wicker Man, that seems less a commendation than a horrible misjudgment. - Terry Lawson (Detroit Free Press)
This movie is more stupid than scary.
#1 - Bangkok Dangerous
Another remake, Cage again did his part in tarnishing the original. This time he plays an assassin who goes to Hong Kong to kill four people. While there, he takes you on an action packed ride of assassin cliches, including the “my conscious showed up for the last kill and I can’t do it” cliche.
It’s garbage. Cage better be careful. If he keeps this up, he’ll wind up just like Val Kilmer doing straight to DVD junk. - Austin Kennedy (Sin Magazine)
Bomb or not, at least he showed that he’ll continue to use conditioner no matter how far his hairline recedes.
Honorable Mention
Apparently I’m the only one that didn’t think Snake Eyes was terrible, but since so many of you did, it gets an Honorable Mention spot in Nicolas Cage’s 8 Crappiest Movies.
48 Responses
SNAKE EYES…CITY OF ANGELS
You know, he’s done some awesome movies too. Face/Off, The Rock, Kiss of Death, Leaving Las Vegas, Valley Girl, Adaptation, and he will always be immortal for his role as H.I. McDunnough in Raising Arizona. Give the guy a break. It’s not like he’s Jerry O’Connell.
[...] Nick Cage’s 8 Crappiest Movies - [Yep Yep] [...]
8mm was a good movie, and Next, although improbable, was entertaiting. The Mandolin was a nice story, the fact that they don’t blend too well with Cruz dones’t make it a crappy movie. What’s your problem exactly?
You have to add Gone in 60 Seconds and Matchstick Men to the good list - 60 seconds was a good movie, and Cage was almost brilliant in Matchstick Men.
[...] Nicholas Cage crappers. [...]
Only liked him in MOONSTRUCK….(Sorry Nic!)
Minor detail, but didn’t Bangkok Dangerous take place in Bangkok, not Hong Kong?
[...] Nicolas Cage’s 8 Crappiest Movies (YepYep) [...]
I actually liked 8MM and Windtalkers.
[...] What is this kid smoking? - Blog of Hilarity Sports Illustrated swimsuit fap - Camel Tap Girl gets owned on rope swing - DumpaLink 8 crappy Nick Cage movies - Yep Yep [...]
The Weatherman was horrible. Good pick with The Wicker Man. 8mm was probably my favorite porno snuff based film of all time, therefore should be removed from list.
[...] Nicolas Cage’s 8 Crappiest Movies (YepYep) [...]
[...] Nicolas Cage’s 8 Crappiest Movies (YepYep) [...]
[...] Nicolas Cage’s 8 Crappiest Movies (YepYep) [...]
I thought Bangkok Dangerous was set in Bangkok, not Hong Kong… Hence the film’s name? I didn’t think it was that bad a film.
wind talkers was ok 8mm and wicker man were good movies but yea the rest were crap. and whats with is hair? frican weird
[...] Nicolas Cage’s 8 Crappiest Movies [...]
8mm is an outstanding and powerful movie, anyone who says different don’t deserve to be taken seriously.
All the rest of the list.. I agree.
LMFAO NICOLAS CAGE SUCKSASS!!!! WORST ACTOR EVER!!!!!!!!!! “HEY DANIEL, DO YOU HAVE NATIONAL TREASURE BEDSHEETS?”
I love Nicholas Cage, so SUCK IT.
I use Nick Cage as a guide for what movies not to see…. other than raising arizona, which is fantastic (think of the scene where goodman scrapes his hands against the trailer roof texturing) all his movies are pure feces. Michael Bay and Nick Cage, proof that the terrorists are right…
xO Hilarious!!! Nick is almost is bad as Seagal - but Seagal is at least funny! Their movies are a joke, and Nick movies aren’t near to be joke. It’s just awfull, bad, bad nick! xD
meep
February 11th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Minor detail, but didn’t Bangkok Dangerous take place in Bangkok, not Hong Kong?
————————————-
who cares? changing it to bangkok wouldn’t do any help to that horrible movie.
Wow, how have all of you missed out on the most craptacular Cage movie ever: Zandalee!!!!!
Ok, lets get this straight I think Nicolas Cage is a wonderful actor! He knows what he is doing! Every movie he plays in, he can tie the part to match his personality, and looks. Some of these movies I agree weren’t the best but give him a break, he can act!
I loved Knowing and Raising Arizona was pretty funny, don’t forget National Treasure!! Just because you don’t like him doesn’t mean you have to be rude.
Con/Air gave me a horrible headache in how bad it was. Face/off? The world of clowns collide with two of these biggest jackoffs on the big screen. “Magnaboots!” Classic clown and cheese.
I love Cage though — keep making bad movies!! I love it!
What, only eight?
Valley girl was a 80’s must see….
cant remember the one he was in with Sean Penn,but it was ok.
He also was in a strange movie called Birdie with Matthew Modine, think that is his name.
Got to love Fast Times though, just a small bit part.
Another unforgettably bad film was “Vampire’s Kiss”. I was placed on 10 movie choice probation for choosing that stinker.
‘Zandalee’ was easily Cage’s worst. Have you noticed that in his last six films or so he has the same wardrobe and hairstlye? He’s not even making an effort anymore.
Cage was great in “Red Rock West” and “Raising Arizona”, where he could play sad sacks that you found endearing. From then on it was all downhill. His apotheosis came when he had his teeth bleached and/or capped and tried to remake himself as a romantic leading man. He simply does not have the looks to pull that off. He should’ve stuck with what made him appealing in the first place. Now he deserves to be mocked and then forgotten.
His best movie I think is Matchstick Men and yes Raising Arizona. Him and Holly were magic in a very funny way. I don’t know why he even gets close to those movies like Ghost Rider and Wicker Man. Wicker Man was ….. there is just no words to discribe how bad that was. The most memorable stand out line in that movie was “Back away from the bike!”. Comparing him to Steve Segal…please…is a no talent, “I can play only one character type” ego wack job. At least Nic has talent but he’s got to quick picking scrips while drunk off his ass.
He was unconscious the rest of the time? While it may seem like he was and is, the word you were looking for is conscience.
Ghost Rider was a terrible terrible movie. It’s hard to believe Cage has made worse!
Where is Con-Air on that list!?!
Good:
Moonstruck “Bring me the big knife”
Raising Arizona-Classic in every way
Con Air “Put the bunny back in the box”
8mm-(The type of gritty movie that big studios hate to make anymore)
Snake Eyes-Over the top but entertaining
Red Rock West-Great Flick!
Valley Girl-Guilty Pleasure
Fast Times at Ridgemont High-(as Nicolas Coppola)
Matchstick Men-Underappreciated
Bad:
Vampire’s Kiss-(Quirky, but still a disaster)
Ghost Rider-(Need I explain why?)
National Treasure 1&2
Next
Ghost Rider 2-In Development (Making an educated guess on this one)
Thought Lord of War and The Weatherman were OK, although unmemorable-
Haven’t seen Bangkok Dangerous or The Wicker Man
Actually, there’s not that many movies by Cage that I really hate.
[...] YepYep: Nicolas Cage’s 8 crappiest movies [...]
First of all, having “Nicolas Cage” and “crappy movie” in the same sentence is redundant.
With that being said, there’s NO WAY this list is complete without “Know1ng”.
The only good thing about that shit stain of a movie was when Nic Cage died at the end.
Windtalkers and Ghost Rider kicked ass! I agree with the rest.
WHY STOP AT 8? The Weatherman should be on this list!
His early career was fun to watch-
Wild at Heart….. loved that!
Honeymoon in Vegas!
Vampire’s Kiss
Peggy Sue-
Birdy
Valley Girl
Raising Arizona
Moonstruck-
He was brilliant for a while… now all he has is
a ton of money and crap rolls
lulz where the hell is Vampire’s Kiss?? That was the raunchiest acting I’ve ever seen.
I’M A VAMPIRE!!
wtf? windtalkers, 8mm, and captain corellis Mandolin were all perfectly good movies, I see no reason why they were put down. your list sucks ass man, you barely said a damn thing about any of these movies and the points you make are hardly points of argument as to why these movies are b-movies.
lrn2 to write.
[...] has it that Nicolas Cage is broke, and Film Drunk takes a hilarious look at how this could have happened. Here’s a [...]
Expect more crap now that he’s broke.
Hilarious article! This is an ongoing argument in my household as Nick is my boyfriend’s favorite actor! My bf’s favorite movie is “Gone in 60 Secs,” I am wondering where that falls on the list according to the author.
Again, great article!
It’s really funny how most of the people who was either part of this or reply to it, are just regular beings. Honestly, this explains why much world is fucked since all we do is criticize. I mean every one has their mistake, Nicolas Cage is another human making a mistake. Yet you criticize as if you guys are PERFECT! Hmm,I don’t think so. SO just back off get a life and to those who needed bad go get laid as well. Use a doll if you have to…
Like that saying goes, treat other like you would like to be treated.
Another one is, if you are going to play with fire, be prepared to get burned.
When the local cable channel offered the movie “Bangkok Dangerous” with Nicholas Cage (and checked and rechecked the listing and description), the movie we actually sat thru was the Thai language original from ten years previous.
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