Written by the lovely Lauren Gibbs

1) Doogie Howser at the podium instead of his computer. He gets a solid B. Sweetest face on TV.

2) 3 Kanye West jokes (none were funny).

3) Justin Timberlake taking yet another step toward Total Entertainment Industry Domination by winning another Emmy. Side note: You know how sometimes celebrities think they can wear something heinous and get away with it because they’re famous? Justin seems to be doing this lately with his choice in frames.

4) Snoozefest on the fashion front. What am I gonna make fun of if everyone looks respectable? Safe colors, safe styles, safe hair. You know it’s bad when the biggest risk takers are the Gossip Girls and they’re both repeating looks from Oscars gone by. Specifically: Leighton Meister sporting a revised version of Giselle’s Grecian number from 2 years ago and Blake Lively doing her very best Jennifer Lopez in the infamous green Versace (only hers is red). Big differences being no Leo and no Diddy. xoxo

5) Dear Academy of Television, Arts & Sciences: Ricky Gervais is consistently funny. Please hire him to host these things next year. I love every bit of him – even his unfortunate teeth.

6) You can switch up the format, the host and the stage. But the same ol’, same ol’ will consistently win (see Daily Show, Alec Baldwin, someone from a show that is inexplicably on the air (see Jon Cryer from “2 & 1/2 Men”) etc.

7) I wish I was watching “Mad Men” right now. I just saw my little red recording light go on. I love DVR. Remember when you had to pop in a VHS or Beta? You’d have to rewind to just the right point to make sure you didn’t tape over mom’s “30 Something” or the marathon of “Another World”. I digress.

8 ) They got Sarah McLachlan to sing “I Will Remember You” live during the dead people montage. Way better then Queen Latifah screaming at us at the Oscars earlier this year. Bummer about Bea Arthur, Natasha Richardson and Paul Newman. And Patrick Swayze. And Farrah. And Cronkite. Damn. Not a great year to be a celeb.

9) I love it when you can tell that the “it was an honor to be nominated” folks are forcing a smile. This year’s Dramatic Actress losers weren’t even trying to pretend like they were happy for Glenn Close.

10) I chose this program over “Mad Men” and I don’t even get to see Don Draper pick up an award? I would have even settled for a snarky speech from Hugh Laurie. Bryan Cranston won last year. “Breaking Bad” scares me. I’m bored. No need to stay up for the best Comedy (it will be “30 Rock”) or best Drama (“Mad Men” – though I would like to see if my theory about Betty & Peggy not getting along in real life is true).

Net-net: If you’re as bored by reading this write up as I was by writing it, I apologize. I can’t make cashmere out of polyester.