Here’s another brutal FML:

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn’t fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

By now everyone with have a sense of pop culture has heard of the site F*** My Life, which features the best of user-submitted FML situations.  Since it’s currently my favorite site to browse on the iPhone, I’ll frequently feature some favorites.

Beetle Juice

Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, “IF I CAN’T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!” All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML

Ouch

Today, I was insulted online by a teenager who said that I was probably a fat loser that still lives with their mother and a couple of cats. They were right. FML

Could It Get Any Worse?

Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML

By now everyone with have a sense of pop culture has heard of the site F*** My Life, which features the best of user-submitted FML situations.  Since it’s currently my favorite site to browse on the iPhone, I’ll frequently feature some favorites.

Oops

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, “You might want to turn off the ‘What You’re Listening To’ option if you’re watching porn.” I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

By now everyone with have a sense of pop culture has heard of the site F*** My Life, which features the best of user-submitted FML situations.  Since it’s currently my favorite site to browse on the iPhone, I’ll frequently feature some favorites.

It could happen to you

Today, I got a phone call from a detective in response to my stolen car that has been missing since St. Patrick’s Day. He told me that he had found my car, but was chuckling the whole time. Turns out, I had parked my car in a different lot. I haven’t had it for a week. It was never stolen. FML

Don’t share with dad

Today, my father asked me if he could borrow my electric razor because he wanted to “surprise mom later”. Anxious to see him without his life-long beard, I willingly agreed. About half an hour later he exited the bathroom. Beard fully intact. FML

By now everyone with have a sense of pop culture has heard of the site F*** My Life, which features the best of user-submitted FML situations.  Since it’s currently my favorite site to browse on the iPhone, I’ll frequently feature some favorites.

Just like the American Pie ‘tongue tornado’

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

Dumbass

Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. While they were gone I threw a party, but when asked I told them no, to which my dad responded ” Well I’m currently looking at pictures on facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table.” FML